Roundabout Rants II

Single-ply toilet paper, using the front yard as a drive way, students who only show up at the beginning and the end of the semester and aren't the least bit embarrassed by it, and my girlfriend's craigslist addiction (and not buying anything)... and single-ply toilet paper.

A test of faith?

I am a cynic by nature and am always questioning god's existence, but when I catch a cold, I am an all-out atheist. I have the worst cold imaginable. My nose feels like I having been using breaks between classes to do lines of coke, salt, and glass shards. My throat feels like I am choking on a splinter and the roof of my mouth feels like I have been eating really cheap white bread--though isn't it all really cheap?

What kind of God would inflict such cruelty?

Then of course, if I prayed more often not to catch colds, I may not be in this position.

I take back everything bad I said about William Shackleford...

except that he is still a dick.

He has taken it upon himself to move his relatively-popular (especially in relation to my) blog from Typepad to Soapbox and has opened up his blog, The Rural Democrat, to people of all shapes and beliefs. Personally, I think that The Rural Democrat will be overrun by bloggers from the left and the right tearing at each other's throats, and forcing Willy to lay an authoritative smack-down, but the site is meant to serve as medium for us to express our concerns about Eastern Kentucky and I hope it can stay that way. Anyway, here is to the best of luck and god bless the mountains.

I am at an end...

I am 60% finished with this semester and I hate it. Not only does it remind me of how I pissed away the first two years of college and my scholarship, but I may be the only student in Morehead who actually loves going to class. I have been too busy to clean my house, I am out of toilet paper, and I think someone broke into my house and took a dump in my refrigerator. I finally have a cold (during the busiest time of the semester), and my entire body hurts. I have run out of beer, my ownly remedy for this goddamn cold, and am out of money. But if I did have money, I would go buy more beer and worry about the toilet paper situation later.

What a douche bag...

This ass-hole was already on his way out. Now he has to bring us down a bit with him by pimping out bama's vacant seat. This has jaded whoever gets the seat and might even discourage future star-democrats from accepting the post immediately and, instead, they will wait for the general election.

It makes sense now to give the seat to disabled Iraq war veteran and current Illinois Veterans Affair director, Tammy Duckworth. Thus, creating a media sensation that would destroy any controversy sparked by conservatives. Let her keep the seat warm for the less vociferous version of the Jesse Jackson's.

Update: It appears that Jackson was candidate #5, so ignore everything I say from here on out. That could be even more damaging to Obama, considering the work he did for the campaign.

Rather than work on my political theory take-home final...

I need to take the time to let my imaginary audience know that a peace accord has been entered between "Good Ol'" (not meaning it in sarcasm, this time) William Shackleford and myself. We have been able to work out our grievances and come to terms with our differences.
This is good. His blog provides me ample posting opportunities about issues that I am fairly informed about and he has a reading viewership that isn't just made up of progressive, or liberal bloggers that prop each other up. I will have to fight the good fight and it will be difficult; but, on the bright side, it will give me opportunities to rant on my own blog when creativity fails me.
Despite what I said about him before (I take back half of everything I said), he has noble causes and is an active citizen for Appalachia, which makes it unable to hate the man.
I look forward to productive arguments in the future.

And so that my post title has some relevance and so that I can brag on myself... For my political theory class, I am having to compare the ancestor worship of Confucius to the modern individualism of John Locke, and I came up with what I think is a unique comparison: R2D2 and C3PO. I am really proud of myself right now.

Update 7 hours and five beers later: I have finally finished my essay. I think it may be the most entertaining political theory paper ever, if not the best. We'll skip the meat and jump right to the conclusion to give you an idea of how it went:
So, in a nutshell, R2D2 displayed the teachings of John Locke’s self-primacy-based individuality and C3PO’s inability to disobey his master’s commands displayed the teachings of Confucius, and Jesus Christ would have been the Emporer—unwavering in his rule, and making all of his Sith followers miserable.
Don't blame me. I didn't teach the class (or give the Sermon on the Mount--which is brutal and doesn't reflect any form of Christianity I see today, except for maybe the Quakers. They at least make themselves as miserable as possible).

Roundabout Rants

Over the last few weeks, I have become increasingly bitter. I hate having to walk to class in the cold weather and realize that next semester is going to be even worse.Adding insult to injury, I recognize that most of this hate comes from having to pay the heating bill and from constantly being reminded that I am inadequately equipped with warm clothes, all of which I can't afford. And this makes me have to recognize the other things I hate--the recession and being poor.

So, as to provide myself with an outlet to maintain my sanity, I am beginning a series of roundabout rants about things that really piss me off. I encourage my imaginary audience to take advantage of this and use this blog to vent their own frustrations.

I have three vents currently-- Willy Shackleford (obviously), Kentucky's budget shortfall (and MSU's irresponsible spending), and the reinstatement of the Third Reich.

First, let me vent about the reinstatement of the Third Reich. Evidently, smiling has become a threat to Indiana's state security. According to the article on RTV 6 Indy, the BMV is banning smiles from license photos to prevent identity fraud. Yea... good luck getting people to report their actual weight.

I go to Indy every summer and christmas to be with my parents and can tell you that this is a horrible idea. Driving on the roads is a terrifying experience... everyone thinks that they are trying out for the Indy 500. Even worse, no one smiles. I have never met a more morose lot of people that Indyians. If anything, they should encourage smiling. Maybe then people will get used to the concept and I wouldn't spend Christmas up there broke, freezing my ass off, and having everyone frown at me.

Being broke reminds me of my second frustration: our broke-ass state. I think what bothers me even more about our broke-ass state is that I am the only student at Morehead State who's seems to be freaking out about this. I become irate every time I see one of those newly installed flat-screen televisions displaying the school channel. What a waste of money! MSU officials should be happy that I am upset about it because then I am least recognizing the televisions' existence--another thing I appear to be by my lonesome. Now we have a 4% cut, added onto a 6% cut early this year. But, gee golly, when I can't afford school any longer, at least I can sneak onto campus and look at those televisions.

My last vent is good ol' mountain boy, William Shackleford of The Rural Democrat. I think the main reason that this guy drives me up the wall is that his inability to create a logical argument reminds me of my father (who is a much smarter man that is just too lazy to make the effort). Instead, "the shack" depends on conjecturing and making personal attacks. At least my dad has never damned me to hell, no matter how angry he is at me.

This guy parades around as a concerned Appalachian and thinks that he can speak for the entire region. Even his blog page describes himself as an Eastern Kentucky "rural democrat." The guy criticizes the DailyKos for censoring, then makes comments disappear and reappear as he pleases. The only time he ever responds to a comment is when that comment is the intellectual equivalent to "git-r-done."

Update: I do not think that William Shackleford is a psuedodemocrat (this was only a dick move on my part to attempt to piss him off). He is a staunch defender for miners, and that oft times leads to, what I can only call, a serious lack of judgement.

God, that felt good.

Hillary's replacement?

According to the New York Magazine, Fran Drescher wants to replace Hillary's conservative 1/4" heels with a pair of Alligator skin pumps of her own. Not being clear? Ok, bad joke. Simply put: Fran Drescher wants to replace Hillary's vacant senate seat. And, arguably, she has the credentials to do so:
“I’ve just been given the appointment of U.S. diplomat.... My title is public diplomacy
envoy for women’s health issues, and I just got back from a four-country European tour of duty. I believe next I’ll be sent to the Middle East.” Also an anti-cancer activist, Drescher has been considering a run for office. “I’ve been very successful in getting a bill passed in Washington,” she said. “I was thinking I’d take the next four years to lay some groundwork, but I’m throwing my hat in the ring."

I don't know if that makes her a viable candidate for the Senate, but it makes her more qualified to run than an unlicensed plumber... so let's at least give her a book deal.
Obviously C-SPAN is a big supporter of the Nanny's candidacy as she is guaranteed to to bring at least a .1 spike in their ratings and steal some of the day-time viewership away from Judge Judy; but, my question to you, dear imaginary audience, is it all really worth bringing back that laugh?

This is funny...

I haven't laughed this hard reading something since I read Without Feathers in high school. Please, imaginary audience, if your expectations are low enough that you read my blog, then take the time to read the posts on Keila's Tell It Like It Is and make everything right with yourself. You will not be disappointed.
It should be a crime against humanity that this woman is a stay at home mom while we are subjected to the local bush-league journalism and op-eds of the Grayson Jornal-Times and The Morehead News.

Title deleted

I have been impolitely asked to quit posting on The Rural Democrat. I didn't know that TRD had such a wealth of readers that "the shack" (an indication to his wealth of knowledge) can be so shameless to his readers. This goes to show "birds of a feather...," and evidently there are more idiots on the net than reasonable beings.
I still don't understand how someone can be a "champion" of Appalachia and justify mountain top removal, while failing to recognize the exploitation of the coal miner.
If anyone in my imaginary audience frequents this site, be sure to check out the link. Hopefully, it will dissuade you from visiting it again.

Update: Ironically, my last response has been deleted off the posts...
Here it is: I have no doubt that I would get knocked out if I said that to a coal miner. There is no prouder people than those who place Appalachian traditions and values rather than retreating to the money being offered from urban life, especially coal miners. God knows I couldn't mine coal.
But thanks for making my argument for me. I am sure your step-father didn't choose that line of work; rather, he put supporting his family over his own health, and, thus justifying my allusion to slavery.
I realize you can't kick me off because that would be one contradiction too many, even for you.
Don't worry, though, because of your inability to make an argument or act like a responsible blogger in your failure to support any of your claims (instead of relying on petty name-calling and personal testimony), I don't really see how The Rural Democrat can be of any benefit to me.
Speaking of name-calling, I still feel the need to call you a jackass.

Update two: I AM SO ANGRY!!!! All capital letters for seriousness (see how upset I am). Why can't I chalk it up as a moral victory, like Professor Caric? I really want to break something. Preferably something that would make a loud noise and not hurt my hand.

Update three: Action had to be taken. So I created a bogus email account and sent The Rural Democrat an email calling this so called "shack" (though I doubt any relationship to "outhouse" or The Shaquille O'Neal) a jackass and I registered the site for a whole lot of news alerts so that they will either become educated or have their email runneth over.
That not being enough, I decided to repost what I wrote above under a fake pseudonym, Garrett II, so that my identity would not be detected. It worked, but he deleted the response again. Let me remind you that this post started out criticizing the DailyKos for censorship.
I hate hypocrites, so tomorrow... more email registrations.

And, finally, an announcement to my imaginary audience, NO ONE WHO POSTS ON MY BLOG WILL BE CENSORED (except for my mom).

Just putting this out there...

I cannot stand Nancy Grace. She is the embodiment of sensationalist journalism and represents everything I hate about mainstream news. Her mouth is only good for one thing (pause for perverted implication)........................................................................................................................... .................................................................................................................................................................. making a complete ass of herself.

And what ever happened to the Duke Lacrosse incident? Don Imus gets fired for being a doucher but Nancy Grace gets a free ticket on the account that she is an idiot, and because no one actually watches her show.

Palin or Huckabee? The best (worst) of two worlds (that are the same)

With the election over and pre-Obama surveys polled into the ground, CNN pollsters have been forced to look into the future. A CNN report shows that Sarah Palin and Mike Huckabee are early favorites for the 2012 ticket.
Are they serious? Hasn't the right learned their lesson from November's ass-kicking?
Not according to right-wing talk radio who still blame McCain for losing the election because of his failure to appeal to conservative values. And, apparently, not according to registered republicans either. As a result, we have Pitbull Palin and Pastor Huckabee (alliteration has failed me) with a fairly significant early-lead over the only true republican candidate, Mitt Romney. Here is to hoping that Rush Limbaugh decides to pull an Al Franken and make things interesting.

What my Thursday Nights have become...

Me, my girlfriend, two $3 nutcrackers, some paint.
Gene is mine.

An apology to my imaginary audience

I have had a week-long headache, I think it is called the end of the semester. My head is splitting. Finals are next week. Until then...

Empowered!

I posted a few weeks ago about how I thought the MPD hired more officers for the sole purpose of having them camp out at BP to rub their unreigned power in my face. The majority of that post was in jest and only was a feeble attempt to get people to read my letter (I am that vain). But a recent encounter with a Morehead officer is making me think otherwise.

I had been dreading my girlfriend's formal all week. Well, dreading is probably not the right word... I was nervous about formal and wasn't looking forward to it, to say the least. This semester I have become somewhat reclusive, focusing on my schoolwork and seeking refuge in the doldrums of political non-fiction. I managed to finally finish 1776 and reread Chomsky's Hegemony or Survival, (take that, Dad) and am currently reading Freidman's Hot, Flat, and Crowded, which is about as bad as a sequel as Leprechaun 2: Back to Da Hood. The point is that I haven't spent much time homing in my drunken social-skills this semester and feared that I may be a bit rusty. This isn't the point of the post so I'll get to the end: I was wrong. I had great time and discovered that drunken-socializing is a lot like riding a bike--you never really forget how to do it. Or maybe there is no such thing as drunken social-skills because you always forget them the next day.

Back to topic:
Alex and I were in Speedway getting her a Coke to mix with her drink and I had to get my daily caffeine-fix. As we were checking out, a Morehead officer (who I have never seen) looked at me and said, "You're the guy who wrote that letter, aren't you?" At first, I was confused. Then I realized he was talking about THE letter (another shameless plug). At first I didn't really know what to say. I almost lied. I don't think my gut-reaction to lie was a result of fear, but more of a natural tendency to not tell the truth. I think it is a survival instinct.
But then my sense of pride kicked in and I was like "Hell, yeah! I wrote that letter," but I think that sense of pride actually came out in a feeble, "Uh... ye.... yes. I think so." (Dammit.)
He joked that he was hanging out at Speedway and not BP (at least they are being fair to local gas stations, now). He said that he personally wasn't too upset about the letter, but that there were other officers who were "really angry over it."

YES! In your face, The Man.

Since then, I have fallen a bit and am on cloud five or six; but, now when I float, I have to make sure to stop at all stop signs and observe all the air-traffic laws.

Put the students first

I am reminded of a quote from Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson's movie, Starsky and Hutch. In the movie, Hutch (Owen Wilson) had just been betrayed by his partner, Starsky (Stiller). Hutch was refusing to speak to his partner when the divine wisdom of Huggy Bear, a pimp played by Snoop Doggy Dog, had this conversation:


Huggy Bear: Dig this man. Someone once said: "To err is human, to forgive divine."


Hutch: Tch. What idiot said that?


Huggy Bear: I believe that was God - the greatest mack of all.


MSU students don't get the greatest education. Some can...MSU has the resources and some very gifted faculty, so if a student pushes himself or herself hard enough, they can come away with a degree and be just as prepared for a career as someone graduating from a more prestigious university. But there is a general feeling of defeat shared by the student body and, in part, the faculty. MSU has a very difficult time retaining talented professors, as they are lured away by money or prestige. No department knows this any better than the Government Department. In the few years that I have been here, one professor was fired, one arrested, and two have left to "greener pastures." It isn't that the professors remaining aren't skilled scholars; in fact, it is exactly the opposite. The professors in the government department are some of the most-skilled, dedicated professors Morehead has to offer. There just isn't enough of them. Which brings me to the case in point:

Morehead State might have the opportunity to bring one of those professors back.

Professor Noelle N'Diaye was arrested last year for possession of crack cocaine and and child endangerment. There were also rumors that her friendship with some of her students jeopardized her professionalism and ethics as a professor.

She has suffered the public humiliation of her peers, students, and community and has to live with the fact that she failed the black community in helping perpetuate racial stereotypes in a predominately white community, and failing to uphold the standards that she taught in her classes.

But more than anything, her crime should serve as a warning to the rest of drug-afflicted Appalachia. No one is immune to addiction. Professor N'Diaye is an intelligent, driven civil servant and was the last person anyone thought would fall to addiction.

But the past is the past, and we are in the present. She has completed her rehabilitation with full cooperation and has recommitted herself to her family and her faith. She is not being charged with a felony and is serving no time because the courts don't see a point in further punishing a repentant woman who has all the characteristics of an ideal citizen and is a benefit to the city of Morehead.

Why isn't Morehead State seeing it, too?

Professor N'Diaye made students passionate about learning. She made them passionate about government and empowered students to become better informed, more-aware citizens. More importantly, she made students feel like they mattered.

Drugs are a horrible thing, and Professor N'Diaye sacrificed her career and her reputation because of it; and in doing so, she made us realize the pervasiveness of addiction and served as a warning to her students.

I admittingly do not know all of the circumstances leading to Professor N'Diaye's firing, nor do I know if she would be willing to come back to MSU; but, I can speak for myself, and I would be more than willing to accept Noelle N'Diaye back into the Morehead State community and would be thrilled to have her teaching classes again. I strongly believe that no matter what her actions were that led to her dismissal, it cannot compare to everything that she has to offer Morehead State students and the Morehead State community.

If Morehead State can let bygones be bygones and put the education of its students first, it will do everything in its power to allow Professor N'Diaye back into a classroom.

Barack Obama is a better man than I (am)

How can Barack Obama forgive Joe Lieberman? Isn't this the same Joe (not to be confused with Joe the Plumber, though both are equally opportunistic) who stabbed Barack Obama, nay, the ENTIRE democratic party (and his own constituents) in the back?
I get it, Barack Obama is a great man, capable of not only removing the knife out of his back, but also capable of forgiving the man who stabbed him. But, honestly, how do we know the Lieberman won't do it again? Personally, I have always found Lieberman to be a little stab-happy. How can someone go from the democratic VP candidate to a possible republican VP candidate?
I am a huge believer in tit-for-tat. Let us throw Lieberman under the same bus he tried to throw Obama under. We can wheel and deal for the other votes.
Bob Cesca says it for me on the Huffington Post.
The only other argument is that Lieberman brings democrats one vote closer to the magical 60.
I understand why that is important, but my question to you, imaginary readers, is if we demoted Joe like we ought to, would he really would jump ship? (I am stealing this from myself in a previous response to the issue) Because I don't think so. The republican ship is sinking and (I know I should stop with the boat references) though he is the galleys, jumping ship would be the equivalent to walking the plank.
He may be an independent (LMAO), god bless him, but he is still a liberal.

Joe the Tool

I would like to thank airon for providing this bit on his blog, 43-Ideas-Per-Minute (but since I can't seem to post on his blog, I can only pay him tribute here). Joe the Plumber is taking time away from pipe-fitting to talk politics, even though he refused to endorse a presidential candidate in the 2008 election and referred to his vote as a "a personal decision." Normally, I wouldn't care to much about what an unlicensed-plumber-for-a-puppet has to say about politics but this is too good to pass up:
"The party should remember that they are conservative Republicans — that has been forgotten. They no longer hold to their ideals. They blow with the wind on just about every public opinion poll. So they are not right-wing; they are trying to show that they’re middle or even left-of-middle sometimes. You have to remember two years ago, the Democrats loved John McCain. That is not what this is about. If you’re a party, you have to stick to your ideals. The frontrunners in the Republican Party have definitely seem to forgotten that. Governor [Bobby] Jindal of Louisiana seems to have the right idea. We have got to get back to the grassroots of the Republican Party and not apologize for being conservative."

Is he serious? Which way was the wind blowing this year, because I thought it was blowing right, right? Actually, if you look at a map, Sarah Palin is on the geographic left, so maybe that's what he meant.

The unofficial petition to keep Lunsford from running in 2010

Despite from spending an exorbitant amount of money through November, Bruce Lunsford was unable to dethrone the GOP's top-gun. And with republicans fleeing George Bush like Sarah Palin at a McCain rally, McConnell could not remove his head from a lame-duck's ass, and still won. Granted, Lunsford was a big underdog, but this was as close as he is going to get. Urban voters will not turn out in the masses as they did in Jefferson this year, and I don't think conservative-minded Appalachian voters will be any more likely to vote democrat as they were this year--perhaps even less as certain social issues come to pass. Lunsford has become Kentucky's Ralph Nader, but without any principles.
The bottom-line is that we need fresh blood. I am thinking along the lines of a Jack Conway--he is a pretty face and well-spoken--or a Ben Chandler, who hasn't yet began to rot. Personally, I like Conway, but Chandler has been down this road before.
This election fell short of a record-voter turnout, percentage-wise, but more Kentuckians casted their vote than ever in history. Hopefully first-time voters enjoyed their first taste of democracy and will turn out again in 2010, but we don't need to help Bunning out by letting Lunsford buy his way into another election.

Underdog Fave: Paul Patton. Bill Clinton has shown that the American public is down with adultery. I don't think it is en vogue yet in KY, especially in the dirty south--where any chance of a democrat in the senate lives and dies (I've given up on North Kentucky, why doesn't Cincy just annex it already). Despite a dirty secret and the standard preferential treatment to his buddies, Patton is a likable candidate that would remind us of the good ol' days. Plus, I can only imagine how pissed my dad would be if Patton became a US senator.

Obama going after the midwest?

Obama made another effort to push for a college football playoff system. If ever there was a way for the democrats to win over the white-male voter in Texas and Oklahoma, this is it. Personally, I would of had to use two hands to count the number of friends that didn't vote who would have camped out at the voting booth to cast a vote for Obama if he could have guaranteed a playoff system--and I don't have that many friends. At carefree and twenty-three, this trumps any health insurance plan for me. Do you what Ohio State fans are like? If Obama had made a Biden-esque joke about the Buckeyes, we could have kissed Ohio goodbye.

Obama's Secratary of State?

The CNN political ticker is showing Hillary Clinton as a possible Secretary of State candidate. This is exciting news. I think this is a win-win situation. It appeals to Appalachian voters' love affair with the Clintons and the world's love affair with Bill. But what about poor Bill Richardson? He has more merit than any other recognizable democrat but will forever be in the background. After seeing Richardson sweat his way through the primary debates, I have to put my faith in Clinton. Either way it is a win-win situation. Make that a win-win-win situation--Richard Lugar is just as qualified as the other candidates and would appeal to conservatives and might help deliver Indiana in the 2012. I don't see what Obama stands to gain from appointing Kerry.

European Socialism

Government regulation is necessary but this article in the NY Times is ridiculous. Discriminating against fruits and vegetables because of their shape? More importantly, what message is this sending to our children?

Reliving fifteen minutes

Last month I had a letter to the editor published in The Morehead News. I was criticizing the MPD for the insane amount of time they spend at the Flemingsburg BP flirting with cashiers. Even though The Morehead News is just happy to get letters to publish, I felt that I had accomplished something. But I rode my bicycle to BP the other night to get a beer and I actually think the MPD hired more officers whose sole purpose is to loiter at BP just to rub it in my face.

Stephen Baldwin: A look into the current state of the Republican Party

Liberal radio personality Al Franken still has a chance on being Senator. Conservative radio no-personality Stephen Baldwin has a chance on being a guest on The Hannah Montana Show. All it cost Franken was a few million and the possibility of being defeated. All it cost Baldwin was a hundred bucks for a Hannah Montana tattoo and public humiliation.
The fact that Baldwin is a conservative should embarrass Republicans. The fact that a million people listen to him everyday should embarrass Americans.

What's wrong with being a center-center nation?

I like reading The Huffington Post from time to time to keep track of the far-left. As a proud-member of "just the left", we hate to see members lean too far (in fear that they might fall over). But THP also has some worthwhile reads. Robert Borosage's The Center-Left Nation might have been one of these--he makes valid points--but he makes a fatal flaw in his argument.
Borosage attempts to make the argument that the nation is leaning more towards the left than to the right. Reeling from the Bush Administration, I would be inclined to agree, but not because of Borosage's argument. He begins by recognizing that only 22% of the country recognize themselves as liberals; the rest are either conservative or moderates. He then relates the percentage of moderates who agree with liberals on key social issues and then states, "this is a center-right country, but only if you substitute addition for analysis. "
But what he doesn't recognize is that being moderate is the middle-class of the political world. Everyone wants to identify themself as one. It's an easy way to stay non-committed. Also, especially for a "Center-Left" Nation, we still dislike the word, "liberal". If you took into account the number of mis-identified moderates who are liberals-in-denial, then the number of conservatives and liberals would be much closer and affect the polling statistics that reflected moderates sharing liberal views. Without the 10-15% (just an educated-guess based on my own observations) of mis-identified moderates, then the polling data would be much closer to 50-50 (with a slight edge to center-left; so, it would be more accurately be identified as the center-center-left, or just rounded to the center).
I much prefer an argument for the center-left by using a box-and-whiskers plot in which neo-conservatives (the new face of the republican party) would fall on the far right and be considered outliers. That is an argument you can make.

The Herald Leader doing its best to piss me off

Leave it to the Herald Leader for failing to see past their noses and not recognize Eastern Kentucky for what it is:
"Now Republicans win because of support in rural and small-town Kentucky, including formerly Democratic strongholds in the east and west....
Still, Republicans have to worry about the future of a party whose base is narrowing to white rural voters.
And Kentuckians have to worry about the future of a state whose voters are so opposed to change. "
I know that I poke fun at Appalachia on occasion, but this is one of Eastern Kentucky's endearing traits. Where else does time cease to exist? Change is what has gotten Americans into their current predicament--trying to achieve happiness through the buying of stuff and big houses. Eastern Kentucky has a natural immunity to affluenza--excluding Coach purses and Longaberger baskets.
Our resistance to change is a product of the self-awareness and appreciation shared by Appalachians not found anywhere else in the US.
The Lexington Herald may worry about our opposition to change, but I am all for it. (Read previous posts-- see LA Times article--to understand why Eastern Kentucky was reluctant to elect Obama, and also his elusive stance on coal)
I still love them and couldn't imagine going a week without reading Tom Eblen, but damn their arrogance.

The Gas Station: A Status Symbol

I was using the restroom in the Appco gas station when I was struck with a profound thought: "Why am I using a gas station bathroom? Even worse, the Appco bathroom?" Then it hit me, a truly profound thought: "Am I looking down my nose at Appco? Am I really considering whether or not I am too good for a gas station?"
In my defense, I have a really weak bladder and really had to pee.
But to answer my question, I was looking down my nose. Do people really choose gas stations based on some sort of value-judgement? I usually base my decision on the quality of coffee being served--Speedway or Circle K. But I was looking down at Appco.
It just looks dirty. The bathroom is dirty. The floors are dirty. They serve fatty pizza rolls for $1.39, presumably to lower incomes. The cars filling up--when there are cars filling up--are usually rusted and beaten-down.
I also enjoy trucker-gas stations (not Love's, it seems dirty too), but I never pass up a chance to go to a Pilot. They have a nice array of coffee, too; and, there is something to be said about a place that has gas, a buffett, cd's & dvd's, egg rolls, giant turkey legs, enchiladas, and a place to shower and sleep. There are few things as exciting as seeing a Pilot sign on a tired, late-night excursion.
It seems silly to think that people choose gas stations based on looks, but have you ever seen a Swifty gas station with backed up lines?

A message to my mother

I appreciate your feedback, but it doesn't have to be to every post. I am the Baron of my Blog, the Prince of Posts, the Mikado of Messages and your condescending, "mother knows best" responses will be deleted. It is embarrassing in front of my imaginary readers (though I think I accidently deleted the wrong ones).
Love,
Garrett

A Case for Conformity

On my way to class today, I almost plowed into a blind girl walking against foot-traffic on the (her) left side of the sidewalk. One of the first lessons I will teach my children is to walk on the right side, thus the use of the word, "right". Nothing against the girl, I have seen her maneuver around campus and I believe she is an inspiration (I can't say the same about the bumper-sticker hoveround woman, who's main goal in life is to make everyone around her as miserable as she is, and her silly dog). But if we have collided, needless to say, I would've won.

So please, everyone stay in a straight line and stick to the "right" side of the sidewalk.

A Thank You Note to White Voters II

Is it possible that Jack White has difficulty understanding that white people can vote for a black man because many blacks have difficulty voting according to their beliefs? The Black vote was the reason prop 8 succeeded. If someone can tell me what makes the majority of the registered black voters democrats, please do.

Breakfast At Shoney's...

If someone ever wants to get a real taste of Eastern Kentucky culture--at least the negatives, anyways--all one needs to do is visit the neighborhood Shoney's. Here, for the low, low price of $7.99 one can get a complete, all-you-can eat meal with bland eggs, nacho-cheese and every deep-fried meat you can think of (actually just ham, bacon, and variants of sausage--all an Eastern Kentuckian needs). And enough calories, saturated fat, cholesterol, and coffee one needs to clog his or her arteries into the NEXT millennium. The only thing missing is the thick-layer of fog hovering a few feet off the ground from the old-lady society of chain-smokers. Stupid progress and no-smoking bans. Where are our liberties? Quick, someone get Sarah Palin.

I was a member of the post-sermon Shoney's congregation today. It was not of my own doing, but a favor called in by my mother; and, being the loving, dutiful son that I am, I had no choice but to comply. I must say that I am baffled by the post-church buffet crowd. This isn't something I just noticed today at Shoney's, but it is also from a series of observations from my post-Saturday-night-drinking-bender/CiCi's-the-next-morning-tradition (no longer observed). One of my guilty pleasures in life is watching churchgoers getting relieved of the burdensome life of sinning in the morning and becoming gluttons-again immediately after.

But today, the excitement wasn't the foreign atmosphere around the restaurant; the excitement was going down at my table over a plate of fake eggs and watered-down mushrooms. To understand this in its entirety, I will recreate the scene:

Nasty coffee, deep-fried aroma, poor lighting, my sister and her boyfriend (who is a nice, intelligent guy, but lives in completely different world than I do), his brother (same as the boyfriend), my mom, me, and my girlfriend.

Somehow, as it often does when my mom is around, the conversation turned to homosexuality--mainly, one phrase pertaining to the gay populations of Lexington and Morehead: "(In context to the number of gays in Morehead) Gays are bad here."

My mom rarely means half the things she says, and likewise, says only half of what she means. While she is not a champion of gay-rights, she did not intend the literal interpretation that she implied. The boyfriend, now, I am not so sure of. So there-in lies the problem.
I am a big fan of the gay-awareness ads and commercials showing the ignorance in using "gay" as an all-encompassing word for the uncool. This is a much more damaging use of rhetoric and connotation.
After that moment, all conversation was lost on me. My one-track mind and overly-vivid imagination was out-of-control. "The mosquitoes are bad here." "I saw three Mormons the other day. Man! They are bad here." "White Christians are bad here."
I can see a gay man in San Francisco saying, "Did you read The Chronicle the other day about the straight population? Man, the heteros are bad here."

My mind had been blown.

Even though I am the only one who reads my blog...

It is sort of like laughing at your own joke.
But for my ego's sake, I would like to remind myself:
I picked Iowa over Penn St.
Don't believe me, Garrett, then re-read the first entry.
In your (my) face!

A Thank You Note to White Voters

This article from The Root is offensive.
I felt obligated to respond: I'm afraid that I share the same resentment as btrcup. By not wanting to go "overboard" and attributing a vote for McCain and Palin as a vote for prejudice and reactionary politics, you are not only failing to recognize conservative values, but you are criticizing the essence of democracy. I voted for Obama and it had nothing to do with him being black. My dad voted for McCain because he disagrees with the fundamentals of nationalized healthcare and disagreed with the 3% tax difference on the wealthy. It had nothing to do with Obama being black. My dad would have much rather seen Larry Elder on the republican ticket than John McCain.
I fear that way too many black folk share this view... and even more white people.
If you have the time, read the number of white responses to the article. They must have felt so righteous while casting their votes.

It's a good day to be a Wildcats fan... mmm Moral Victories

Some of my fondest memories are from playing high school sports, and good high school memories are few-and-far-in-between. The only real problem I had with high school sports was the very fundamental that most hold in high regard--the competition.
Which brings me to being a UK fan:
It is awesome. Our basketball team flirts with being a top-25 team. There is no pressure in losing a game or two here and there and we look forward to next season with naive optimism.
We no longer face the disappointing prospect of falling short of a final four.
And our football team is consistently winning bids to the motor city bowl. Life is good.
Why would anyone want to be a Yankees fan or a Patriots fan when you can just as easily be a Twins fan or a Panthers fan? Better to be pleasantly surprised than surprisingly disappointed.

Being unfair to Appalachia...

The Herald-Leader ran an article today on Kentucky's voting demographics. As should be expected, Eastern Kentucky counties moved toward the right as the rest of the state shifted left. Urban populations--Louisville and Lexington--made the largest shift to the left. The paper quoted Joe Gershtenson, a political science professor at Eastern Kentucky University. "To a large extent, that trend also characterizes American politics, in terms of rural and urban states."
Fair enough.
Then they lose me:
"You're talking about the more educated counties, by and large there," Gershtenson said. "It's not surprising that that's where you would have seen Obama doing better than Kerry."
"And I wish I didn't have to say that race plays a huge part in this, but I do. I really don't think you'd see this huge urban/rural divide if Hillary Clinton were the Democratic nominee."
And that's it. Nothing else. No further explanation. Nothing.
What is that supposed to mean? What are the readers supposed to believe?
The article could read "Eastern Kentucky voters support McCain because they are uneducated," or it could read, "Intelligent people vote democrat."
The readers loved it. They began calling Eastern Kentuckians racist and stupid.
I wish I was a conservative, because then I could just chalk it up to "liberal" journalism. Instead, this is much more. Much, much more. This is the most recent attack on Appalachia, via by unprofessional journalism, or the catharsis of an "intellectual" who believes the negative stereotypes and is frustrated with being stuck in Richmond, subjected to rural ignorance.

This is just the precursor to my frustrations. This thinking is also out-of-control at MSU. Not only amongst professors who are not from Appalachia and share Gershtenson's belief, but also amongst the students--those same students that have spent their entire lives raised in rural Kentucky, Ohio, and West Virginia and have been victims to unfair stereotypes. Those students who supported President Obama were at-loss with other students who still supported McCain. They are embarrassed that they are from "red" counties and think that it is a reflection of intelligence, with blue indicating a higher plane of thinking.
The readers of the article also further this idea. Lexington-Fayette is population to more college grads than most of the united states--in the top 10, in fact. Lexington-Fayette voted for Obama, thus a vote for Obama represents intelligence. This is stupid. I am a government major and will recognize that there is nothing abstract or incomprehensible about politics. It is about social and fiscal beliefs, small or big governments. How does an education affect moral convictions? More so, how does a degree in biology help you understand economics and foreign policy?

The results are in and it has been determined that race was not an issue in the election. Eastern Kentuckians voted for McCain, and generally support the republican ticket--unless the other ticket is a fellow southerner and is believed to share our fear in god. A 2003 (going old-school) LA Times article sums it up: we haven't abandoned the democratic party, they have abandoned us. Barack Obama embodied everything we fear: pro-choice, liberal ideals. We don't fear him as an African-American. Truth be told, racism is fueled in areas of high-tension--Detroit race riots, African-American-Hispanic tension is D.C. There are not enough Blacks in Appalachia to encourage racism. And contrary to popular belief, we don't run blacks out of the neighborhood with our guns and confederate flags. The neighborhood has nothing to offer the black community--no tradition, no promise of jobs, dissimilar cultures. The only thing we share is our failure to recognize our shared plight as being discriminated against by the American public and our close family-ties and relationship with god. "Appalachian racism" is the misinterpretation of Appalachian ignorance of blacks and our awkwardness in trying to maneuver "race relations" that we are unaccustomed to and that are contrary to our nature.

Bottom Line: Appalachia didn't vote for McCain because he "wasn't black," they voted for McCain because he represented their moral convictions, which takes precedent over anything--even the flailing economy. And the other people who voted for McCain voted for him because he wasn't Barack Obama; but, not because for reasons you want to believe (his being black, and all). They were just too proud to put down the guns and bibles that they cling to so tightly to cast a vote for the democratic party.

My first post...

I have a five-page political theory take home exam due tomorrow that I have yet to start on and another two pages on my fat-tax research paper, but at this moment of procrastination I have found myself out of things to prolong responsible action. Isn't that the whole point of a blog anyway--to prolong doing something worthwhile?

Anyway, I just have a few things to say:

Firstly, to all of the annoying birkentock-wearing schmucks who sat in front of ADUC since August trying to register people to vote: Fuck you. After all that hard work sitting in the sun and sweating and finding the courage to ask complete strangers if they have already registered to vote and then guilting them into registering or assuming that everyone who fails to acknowledge your petty existence isn't registered, for all your efforts, Kentucky voter turn-out was relatively the same as it was four years ago. It must be demoralizing. But then again, it should have been expected. What is it that made you believe that someone who lacks the initiative to register has it in them to stand in line for an entire fifteen minutes to cast his or her ballot? Even more, why would you want that person to cast a ballot anyway? What is it that made you believe that someone lacking the initiative to register or stand in line for fifteen minutes would ever take the time to get informed about the issues? Everyone one of you is a jackass.

Secondly, I seriously hope that, as responsible Americans, we make president-elect Obama follow through on his MNF message to finally rid us of the BCS system.
On that note, I am predicting an Iowa upset over Penn State, so the BCS may not be a complete travesty when Florida plays an undefeated Texas Tech (they are that good) for the National Championship.

Thirdly, I paraphrase the great Woody Allen from Annie Hall, "I was raised an Orthodox Jew, but now I am a pessimist." I use this in relation to prop 8 and gay marriage. Please someone inform me the real differences between civil unions and marriage besides semantics. I mean, I can understand that homosexuals seeing not being allowed to marry as an attack on their lifestyle, but is it? So long as the tax-incentives and adoption, etc., (which currently it is not) are equal, who really gives a damn? From my shoes, the whole sanctity of marriage is a bunch of bullshit, anyways. And now I read that women are almost as likely to commit adultery as men. What the hell? As an outsider, I seriously hope that god's unconditional love is like that of my mother's love. Because if not, then I agree with those nuts in the free-speech area, the whole lot of us are going to hell in a hand-basket. Let the disillusioned who still believe marriage means something make it between a man and a women. It matters not to me.

Which brings me to my fourth and final issue--the nut-jobs in the free speech area. I do not know which is more alarming, the fact that I attend a school that is dumb enough to feed the religious wackos' self-righteous egos or if I attend a school with so little to do that people are willing to waste their entire days to feed the nut-job's self-righteous egos. I remember while I attended UK, I had the honor of meeting the "great" Henry Earl, on a number of occasions. Half the time, he was drunk out of his mind trying to get an easy buck to feed is demons. He would carry on like a nut and try to win your charity through James Brown impersonations. If you paid him any attention, it would only inflame his indignation. There were only a few wys to handle such a man, show kindness and genuine concern or ignore him. The only other approach was to give him a dollar and feed is insatiability or to become equally indignant and make an ass of yourself. Sadly, MSU students are doing the latter.

But on a side-note, there is substance to their rage, but modern views of christianity depend on a forgiving god other than the one described in the bible. Few of us are practicing christians, though, if you look back at point three, all of that is irrelevant.

I guess I have put my gov't paper off long enough to incite the genius that can only be achieved when one's back is against the wall...