Roundabout Rants II

Single-ply toilet paper, using the front yard as a drive way, students who only show up at the beginning and the end of the semester and aren't the least bit embarrassed by it, and my girlfriend's craigslist addiction (and not buying anything)... and single-ply toilet paper.

A test of faith?

I am a cynic by nature and am always questioning god's existence, but when I catch a cold, I am an all-out atheist. I have the worst cold imaginable. My nose feels like I having been using breaks between classes to do lines of coke, salt, and glass shards. My throat feels like I am choking on a splinter and the roof of my mouth feels like I have been eating really cheap white bread--though isn't it all really cheap?

What kind of God would inflict such cruelty?

Then of course, if I prayed more often not to catch colds, I may not be in this position.

I take back everything bad I said about William Shackleford...

except that he is still a dick.

He has taken it upon himself to move his relatively-popular (especially in relation to my) blog from Typepad to Soapbox and has opened up his blog, The Rural Democrat, to people of all shapes and beliefs. Personally, I think that The Rural Democrat will be overrun by bloggers from the left and the right tearing at each other's throats, and forcing Willy to lay an authoritative smack-down, but the site is meant to serve as medium for us to express our concerns about Eastern Kentucky and I hope it can stay that way. Anyway, here is to the best of luck and god bless the mountains.

I am at an end...

I am 60% finished with this semester and I hate it. Not only does it remind me of how I pissed away the first two years of college and my scholarship, but I may be the only student in Morehead who actually loves going to class. I have been too busy to clean my house, I am out of toilet paper, and I think someone broke into my house and took a dump in my refrigerator. I finally have a cold (during the busiest time of the semester), and my entire body hurts. I have run out of beer, my ownly remedy for this goddamn cold, and am out of money. But if I did have money, I would go buy more beer and worry about the toilet paper situation later.

What a douche bag...

This ass-hole was already on his way out. Now he has to bring us down a bit with him by pimping out bama's vacant seat. This has jaded whoever gets the seat and might even discourage future star-democrats from accepting the post immediately and, instead, they will wait for the general election.

It makes sense now to give the seat to disabled Iraq war veteran and current Illinois Veterans Affair director, Tammy Duckworth. Thus, creating a media sensation that would destroy any controversy sparked by conservatives. Let her keep the seat warm for the less vociferous version of the Jesse Jackson's.

Update: It appears that Jackson was candidate #5, so ignore everything I say from here on out. That could be even more damaging to Obama, considering the work he did for the campaign.

Rather than work on my political theory take-home final...

I need to take the time to let my imaginary audience know that a peace accord has been entered between "Good Ol'" (not meaning it in sarcasm, this time) William Shackleford and myself. We have been able to work out our grievances and come to terms with our differences.
This is good. His blog provides me ample posting opportunities about issues that I am fairly informed about and he has a reading viewership that isn't just made up of progressive, or liberal bloggers that prop each other up. I will have to fight the good fight and it will be difficult; but, on the bright side, it will give me opportunities to rant on my own blog when creativity fails me.
Despite what I said about him before (I take back half of everything I said), he has noble causes and is an active citizen for Appalachia, which makes it unable to hate the man.
I look forward to productive arguments in the future.

And so that my post title has some relevance and so that I can brag on myself... For my political theory class, I am having to compare the ancestor worship of Confucius to the modern individualism of John Locke, and I came up with what I think is a unique comparison: R2D2 and C3PO. I am really proud of myself right now.

Update 7 hours and five beers later: I have finally finished my essay. I think it may be the most entertaining political theory paper ever, if not the best. We'll skip the meat and jump right to the conclusion to give you an idea of how it went:
So, in a nutshell, R2D2 displayed the teachings of John Locke’s self-primacy-based individuality and C3PO’s inability to disobey his master’s commands displayed the teachings of Confucius, and Jesus Christ would have been the Emporer—unwavering in his rule, and making all of his Sith followers miserable.
Don't blame me. I didn't teach the class (or give the Sermon on the Mount--which is brutal and doesn't reflect any form of Christianity I see today, except for maybe the Quakers. They at least make themselves as miserable as possible).

Roundabout Rants

Over the last few weeks, I have become increasingly bitter. I hate having to walk to class in the cold weather and realize that next semester is going to be even worse.Adding insult to injury, I recognize that most of this hate comes from having to pay the heating bill and from constantly being reminded that I am inadequately equipped with warm clothes, all of which I can't afford. And this makes me have to recognize the other things I hate--the recession and being poor.

So, as to provide myself with an outlet to maintain my sanity, I am beginning a series of roundabout rants about things that really piss me off. I encourage my imaginary audience to take advantage of this and use this blog to vent their own frustrations.

I have three vents currently-- Willy Shackleford (obviously), Kentucky's budget shortfall (and MSU's irresponsible spending), and the reinstatement of the Third Reich.

First, let me vent about the reinstatement of the Third Reich. Evidently, smiling has become a threat to Indiana's state security. According to the article on RTV 6 Indy, the BMV is banning smiles from license photos to prevent identity fraud. Yea... good luck getting people to report their actual weight.

I go to Indy every summer and christmas to be with my parents and can tell you that this is a horrible idea. Driving on the roads is a terrifying experience... everyone thinks that they are trying out for the Indy 500. Even worse, no one smiles. I have never met a more morose lot of people that Indyians. If anything, they should encourage smiling. Maybe then people will get used to the concept and I wouldn't spend Christmas up there broke, freezing my ass off, and having everyone frown at me.

Being broke reminds me of my second frustration: our broke-ass state. I think what bothers me even more about our broke-ass state is that I am the only student at Morehead State who's seems to be freaking out about this. I become irate every time I see one of those newly installed flat-screen televisions displaying the school channel. What a waste of money! MSU officials should be happy that I am upset about it because then I am least recognizing the televisions' existence--another thing I appear to be by my lonesome. Now we have a 4% cut, added onto a 6% cut early this year. But, gee golly, when I can't afford school any longer, at least I can sneak onto campus and look at those televisions.

My last vent is good ol' mountain boy, William Shackleford of The Rural Democrat. I think the main reason that this guy drives me up the wall is that his inability to create a logical argument reminds me of my father (who is a much smarter man that is just too lazy to make the effort). Instead, "the shack" depends on conjecturing and making personal attacks. At least my dad has never damned me to hell, no matter how angry he is at me.

This guy parades around as a concerned Appalachian and thinks that he can speak for the entire region. Even his blog page describes himself as an Eastern Kentucky "rural democrat." The guy criticizes the DailyKos for censoring, then makes comments disappear and reappear as he pleases. The only time he ever responds to a comment is when that comment is the intellectual equivalent to "git-r-done."

Update: I do not think that William Shackleford is a psuedodemocrat (this was only a dick move on my part to attempt to piss him off). He is a staunch defender for miners, and that oft times leads to, what I can only call, a serious lack of judgement.

God, that felt good.

Hillary's replacement?

According to the New York Magazine, Fran Drescher wants to replace Hillary's conservative 1/4" heels with a pair of Alligator skin pumps of her own. Not being clear? Ok, bad joke. Simply put: Fran Drescher wants to replace Hillary's vacant senate seat. And, arguably, she has the credentials to do so:
“I’ve just been given the appointment of U.S. diplomat.... My title is public diplomacy
envoy for women’s health issues, and I just got back from a four-country European tour of duty. I believe next I’ll be sent to the Middle East.” Also an anti-cancer activist, Drescher has been considering a run for office. “I’ve been very successful in getting a bill passed in Washington,” she said. “I was thinking I’d take the next four years to lay some groundwork, but I’m throwing my hat in the ring."

I don't know if that makes her a viable candidate for the Senate, but it makes her more qualified to run than an unlicensed plumber... so let's at least give her a book deal.
Obviously C-SPAN is a big supporter of the Nanny's candidacy as she is guaranteed to to bring at least a .1 spike in their ratings and steal some of the day-time viewership away from Judge Judy; but, my question to you, dear imaginary audience, is it all really worth bringing back that laugh?

This is funny...

I haven't laughed this hard reading something since I read Without Feathers in high school. Please, imaginary audience, if your expectations are low enough that you read my blog, then take the time to read the posts on Keila's Tell It Like It Is and make everything right with yourself. You will not be disappointed.
It should be a crime against humanity that this woman is a stay at home mom while we are subjected to the local bush-league journalism and op-eds of the Grayson Jornal-Times and The Morehead News.

Title deleted

I have been impolitely asked to quit posting on The Rural Democrat. I didn't know that TRD had such a wealth of readers that "the shack" (an indication to his wealth of knowledge) can be so shameless to his readers. This goes to show "birds of a feather...," and evidently there are more idiots on the net than reasonable beings.
I still don't understand how someone can be a "champion" of Appalachia and justify mountain top removal, while failing to recognize the exploitation of the coal miner.
If anyone in my imaginary audience frequents this site, be sure to check out the link. Hopefully, it will dissuade you from visiting it again.

Update: Ironically, my last response has been deleted off the posts...
Here it is: I have no doubt that I would get knocked out if I said that to a coal miner. There is no prouder people than those who place Appalachian traditions and values rather than retreating to the money being offered from urban life, especially coal miners. God knows I couldn't mine coal.
But thanks for making my argument for me. I am sure your step-father didn't choose that line of work; rather, he put supporting his family over his own health, and, thus justifying my allusion to slavery.
I realize you can't kick me off because that would be one contradiction too many, even for you.
Don't worry, though, because of your inability to make an argument or act like a responsible blogger in your failure to support any of your claims (instead of relying on petty name-calling and personal testimony), I don't really see how The Rural Democrat can be of any benefit to me.
Speaking of name-calling, I still feel the need to call you a jackass.

Update two: I AM SO ANGRY!!!! All capital letters for seriousness (see how upset I am). Why can't I chalk it up as a moral victory, like Professor Caric? I really want to break something. Preferably something that would make a loud noise and not hurt my hand.

Update three: Action had to be taken. So I created a bogus email account and sent The Rural Democrat an email calling this so called "shack" (though I doubt any relationship to "outhouse" or The Shaquille O'Neal) a jackass and I registered the site for a whole lot of news alerts so that they will either become educated or have their email runneth over.
That not being enough, I decided to repost what I wrote above under a fake pseudonym, Garrett II, so that my identity would not be detected. It worked, but he deleted the response again. Let me remind you that this post started out criticizing the DailyKos for censorship.
I hate hypocrites, so tomorrow... more email registrations.

And, finally, an announcement to my imaginary audience, NO ONE WHO POSTS ON MY BLOG WILL BE CENSORED (except for my mom).

Just putting this out there...

I cannot stand Nancy Grace. She is the embodiment of sensationalist journalism and represents everything I hate about mainstream news. Her mouth is only good for one thing (pause for perverted implication)........................................................................................................................... .................................................................................................................................................................. making a complete ass of herself.

And what ever happened to the Duke Lacrosse incident? Don Imus gets fired for being a doucher but Nancy Grace gets a free ticket on the account that she is an idiot, and because no one actually watches her show.

Palin or Huckabee? The best (worst) of two worlds (that are the same)

With the election over and pre-Obama surveys polled into the ground, CNN pollsters have been forced to look into the future. A CNN report shows that Sarah Palin and Mike Huckabee are early favorites for the 2012 ticket.
Are they serious? Hasn't the right learned their lesson from November's ass-kicking?
Not according to right-wing talk radio who still blame McCain for losing the election because of his failure to appeal to conservative values. And, apparently, not according to registered republicans either. As a result, we have Pitbull Palin and Pastor Huckabee (alliteration has failed me) with a fairly significant early-lead over the only true republican candidate, Mitt Romney. Here is to hoping that Rush Limbaugh decides to pull an Al Franken and make things interesting.

What my Thursday Nights have become...

Me, my girlfriend, two $3 nutcrackers, some paint.
Gene is mine.

An apology to my imaginary audience

I have had a week-long headache, I think it is called the end of the semester. My head is splitting. Finals are next week. Until then...